very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize