Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
