Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
