are you still at the devil's house?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
