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That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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