i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
