Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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