I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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