two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
