Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
