Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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