After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
