it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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