So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
