He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well you can't waste a boner
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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