one might say we're banned from that church
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
