i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
