The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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