in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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