she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
