what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
