In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
