My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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