If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
