Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
