dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
