I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
