i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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