by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
