he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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