A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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