So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize