Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
