i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's Friday. Sex?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
