Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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