I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
