I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Found your dick twin last night
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
