I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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