Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
