I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
