god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
