Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
