i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
