I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
