so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
