Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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