11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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