he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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