i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ugly people sure do ruin things
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
