I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
