I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
