So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
