I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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