I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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