I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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