I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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