She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
