but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
