Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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