Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
