our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
then he tried to convert me to islam
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
