he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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