oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You can't just leave with hair like that
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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