What did we do last night that was yellow?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
