You're my little dorito
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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