can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
