I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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