just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
