somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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