I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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