Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
