remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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