It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
