okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
