dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
