Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
