He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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