if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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