I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize