I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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