A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
