yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
