I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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