it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
